


Anime Isn't Real Just Because I Had A Nosebleed

by ConstantlyTiredReader



Series: Culture Shocks [3]
Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Gen, Mentioned Alphys (Undertale), Mentioned Alphys/Undyne - Freeform, Nosebleed, One Shot, Reader-Insert, reader has no specified gender
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-21
Updated: 2018-11-21
Packaged: 2019-08-27 01:06:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,418
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16692460
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ConstantlyTiredReader/pseuds/ConstantlyTiredReader
Summary: “Then HOW did you manage to get a freaking nosebleed when you were just sitting on the couch watching a movie?” Her eye narrows. “Unless…”“Undyne?”“Anime is real and humans really do have mind control powers and giant swords!”





	Anime Isn't Real Just Because I Had A Nosebleed

**Author's Note:**

> Just as a warning, if you have any problems with mentions of blood/nosebleeds, this might not be for you.

“Undyne, tell me again why you’re making me watch rom coms with you?”

Now, you don’t mind the occasional rom com, even if a lot of them can get pretty cliché. In fact, it’s nice to have the change after only watching anime. You do mind, however, being woken up at five in the morning to Undyne almost breaking down your door to do so.

“I told you, I need ideas for my next date with Alphy!”

“And you couldn’t just look up a list of ideas online because?”

Undyne falters. Clearly, that idea had never occurred to her. “I, uh, thought you would appreciate the friendly bonding time? Yeah, that’s _definitely_ it! We needed more friendly bonding activities!” She punctuates her statement by putting you in a headlock. You would protest at the action, but by now you know that this is one of Undyne’s ways of displaying affection and that you should be glad she currently isn’t noogeeing the crap out of you. Last time she did, it felt like someone had used your head to scrub a carpeted hall clean at a speed of thirty miles an hour. It was weird explaining that headache to your boss and later, your doctor.

“Well, next time, can you try and _not_ have ‘friendly bonding time’ when I should be sleeping on my day off?”

“Yeah, yeah, let’s just watch the movie.”

You don’t recognise the one that she chooses. When you ask, she said it was just something she picked up at the Librarby. If that’s the case, it’s probably safe to assume that the librarian (librarbrian?) found it at the Dump back in the Underground and that the movie is pretty trashy. No pun intended.

Roughly fifteen minutes into the movie, you feel as though your initial suspicions are confirmed. This movie is awful! It’s not even the it’s-so-terrible-it’s-funny kind of movie that you can at least watch for the cringe! All the jokes, which there are far too many of, are forced and dated, and a monkey could probably come up with a better plot. Mettaton’s early stuff where he robotically (again, no pun intended) delivered all of his lines — which coincidentally meant the lines of each and every character — in his ancient box form is better than this. At least the quality of Mettaton’s first movies could be justified by low budgeting at the time and inspiration that came from whatever books or films fell from the Surface. This one, it has no such excuse.

On the plus side, the romantic lead is pretty hot.

Placing your elbow on the arm of your couch, you allow your head to rest on your hand. Stars, what did you do to deserve this torture? Is this Undyne’s idea of a way to get back at you for not training with her three months ago? You had told her that your doctor said until your ankle was fully healed, you wouldn’t be able to do anything that could aggravate it. And that includes sparring, even though, as she put it, “all you have to do is block attacks with the shield so you don’t get hit.” Just because she can twist her torso in a way that allows her to dodge in any direction doesn’t mean that you can. And no Undyne, it wouldn’t help if she turned your Soul green. If anything, being unable to escape because of her magic just increases the risks of additional injury.

Oh look, it’s been another twenty minutes since you last checked. That should mean you are almost halfway done sitting through this poor representation of the genre of romantic comedy.

Again, at least the lead is hot.

Now, you’ve gotten into the steamier parts of the movie. It’s hard to tell if this is better or worse; the characters themselves have next to no chemistry, but it means that you get to see Hottie McDreamboat in less clothing.

A warm dripping starts running down your left nostril. You can tell that it isn’t just a runny nose. “Shoot!”

“What?”

“Nosebleed,” you explain, voice distorted by your fingers pinching just below the bridge of your nose. “Can you pass me a dissue?”

“Dissue? Oh, _tissue_! Yeah, just a sec. NGAHHH!” Undyne starts shoving stuff off of your coffee table, reaching for your tissue box. “Uh, scratch that. You might want to add tissues to your grocery list, punk.”

Crap! You run to the bathroom and pull at your toilet paper. It tears unevenly, which is always something frustrating, but you don’t have time to worry about that. Right now, the priority is to deal with the blood that is trying to pour out of your nose.

“You good in there, punk? You’ve been gone for a few minutes.” You move from the sink to the bathroom door to give her a thumbs up, grabbing more toilet paper to use on your way back.

A few minutes and a lot more toilet paper later, you feel like you’re safe to wash up any blood and return to what little remains of the movie. To your surprise, Undyne has it paused as she stares at you with her single eye. It’s kind of unnerving, to be honest. “Um, did I miss some blood or something?”

“How’d you get it?” Undyne’s voice is quiet in the special way that it always becomes when she’s concerned for someone, although there is also an element of curiosity, which breaks through more clearly as she continues. “You were just sitting there!”

“Dunno,” you shrug.

“HOW DO YOU NOT KNOW?! I thought humans get nosebleeds when they get hit by stuff, like during our last volleyball game! Isn’t that what you and Frisk told me?”

You take a moment to think. “I mean, we probably said that?” The concussion made some of the memories a bit foggy.

“Then HOW did you manage to get a freaking nosebleed when you were just sitting on the couch watching a movie?” Her eye narrows. “Unless…”

Oh no, you have a bad feeling about where this is going, considering the content of the movie when it happened. “Undyne?”

“Anime is real and humans really do have mind control powers and giant swords!”

“Uh, Undyne?”

There is no stopping her at this moment. Undyne is doing what you would maybe call a victory dance in the middle of your living room. “I need to call Alphys! Oh, and I need to get the librarby to put the anime back in the human history section! This is AWESOME!”

That’s it. You need to put this to an end before the situation escalates too far. Drawing close to your friend, you yell at the top of your lungs, “ANIME ISN’T REAL JUST BECAUSE I HAD A NOSEBLEED!”

That seems to regain her attention.

“Look Undyne,” you say, pulling her over to the couch to talk, “there are many reasons why humans get nosebleeds. Getting hit by stuff is just one of the more obvious ones. In my case, I’ve been prone to them all my life. All it takes is for the room to be a little too warm, the air a bit too dry or something stupid like that, and WHOOSH! There goes the blood.”

Undyne seems weirdly intrigued by your explanation. “Gross! How else do humans get nose bleeds?”

“Um, elevation can sometimes cause them. That’s why people call the top seats at a stadium the nosebleed section. Sinus issues from colds and allergies, usually if you’ve blown your nose one too many times. Certain medical conditions and drugs, I think. Oh, and there’s always picking your nose too much.”

“That’s a thing?”

“Yeah, one of the kids I used to babysit when I was younger was always mining for gold, but ended up finding... You know, I’m not sure I know how to end that metaphor and I’m not sure I want to either.”

“Me neither. Are you _sure_ that seeing ‘Hottie McDreamboat’ half naked didn’t cause it.”

“Positive. Humans don’t —” You cut yourself off, just realising what she had called the attractive lead. “How did you know?”

Undyne cackles. “Dude, you spent half the movie muttering under your breath about how ‘Hottie McDreamboat’ was the only thing the people in charge got right.”

“Well, am I wrong?”

“Eh, not my type. Ready for the next movie?”

“Anything will be better than this one.”

“Agreed. I don’t know why I didn’t stop it earlier. There were absolutely no good date ideas!”

**Author's Note:**

> As it turns out, the movies could get worse than the first one. Undyne still needs an idea for a date. You need to buy yourself some tissues and more toilet paper to replace all that you used.
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> [My Tumblr!](https://constantly-tired-reader.tumblr.com/)


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